Feedback on Essay 1, and grades

First, I have posted here my feedback (your scores) on your DQs and Essay 1.

Second, Bob emailed me that the text notes that the:

terms "Third World, Less developed world, and Developing countries" are all used interchangeably.(pg 425 bottom left)

I would "argue" with the text's authors that using "Third World" in academic contexts is not kosher--has not been kosher for a few years now.

Now, about the essay itself:
1. Stay focused on the question.  In most of my classes, and definitely in the online classes, I started requiring paper-length responses to specific questions.  Only graduate students get the "luxury" of choosing a topic on their own for a final paper. 
The question this time was specifically about urbanization and economic development.  It was not about the US alone, and not about urban sprawl.

2. Follow the directions. 

3. Write well.Avoid some of the common issues that I came across--such as:

• "we", "you", "our", etc.: if you mean by "we" the United States, then write it out as "the United States".  "You" refers to the reader, which is me and I bet that is not what you--as the writer--intended.
• "I feel", "I believe", "I think", etc.: It is your paper that you are writing.  So, unless you are borrowing ideas from somebody else, then I as the reader know that those are your arguments.  No need to qualify them with additional wording.  
• spelling mistakes: More so when word-processing programs highlight the mistake even as we type a word.  Spell-check maniacally!
• metaphors: the best rule is to avoid them.  If you simply cannot resist that temptation, then use them sparingly.  And, most of all, do not mix metaphors.  

4. Support your arguments.  Think of yourself as a lawyer presenting a case to the judge and jury.  As much as lawyers can be very good talkers, they make sure they introduce evidence to support their arguments.  They bring in experts to testify.  It is the same logic here. 
Do not base all your arguments only on one example--particularly the personal examples.  A quick question should arise right away: what if the example is merely an exception?  Thus, we find support through what other people have demonstrated through their research and analysis.

5. Use appropriate technical knowledge gained from this course.  For instance, when you want to argue that urbanization and economic development have a mutually reinforcing relationship, maybe that is when you can highlight circular/cumulative causation.  

In a way, the rubric I had referred you to addresses many of these aspects of writing a paper. 

My computer is having problems with attaching files.  So, I will have to wait--maybe until tomorrow--to email you the Word files of yours where I have inserted my comments. 
I have provided an example of a good response to the question.  I have removed from the paper the name of the student--so, there is no loss of privacy.

Finally, do not get discouraged if the grade is not what you were expecting, or if I have too many comments on your paper.  This is after all only one component for the final grade. I am confident that your next set of responses will be significantly better than this one--that has been my experience in classes past, and there is no reason for me to even remotely think improvements will not happen this time too.

As always, feel free to contact me.